The funny link/joke/image repository
- Thread starter shawn
- Start date
Motivational pictures. The first one's funny but I like the second one best.
http://botw.org/articles/motivational.html
http://botw.org/articles/motivational.html
Fridge For Sale
Some guy bought a new refrigerator for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:
"Free to good home. You want it, you take it."
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:
"Fridge for sale $50."
The next day someone stole it!
Kids…..
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principals office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Harry: “9.”
Principal: ” What is 6 x 6?”
Harry: “36.”
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.”
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms. Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps in to?”
Harry: “Pants.”
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
Harry: “Coconut.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Harry: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Harry: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong……
What a way to start the day!
There I was on my way to Wal-Mart…
Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind … Wasn’t even on the horizon … I was in a great mood … And then … I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car … And you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it … He was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
“I AM NOT HAPPY!”
So, I look down at him and said, “Well, which one are you then?”
…………. And that’s when the fight started . . .
Participation
At the airport for a business trip, Bob settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then they heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.”
So Bob and his family picked up their luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told everyone that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, they gathered their carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as they were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.
Weatherman
This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow, but don’t get any?
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked:
“So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?”
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!
Save $1000
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, “Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.”
“Sure,” they said, “You’re welcome.” So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, “What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a hit man,” was the reply.
“You’re joking!” was the response.
“No, I’m not,” he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight. “Here are my tools.”
“That’s a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, “Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.” So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. “Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she’s naked! What’s that? Wait a minute, that’s my neighbor in there with her. He’s naked as well! That bastard!” He turned to the hit man, “How much do you charge for a hit?”
“I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.”
“Can you do two for me now?”
“Sure, what do you want?”
“First, shoot my wife, she’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he’s a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.”
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. “Are you going to do it or not?” said the friend impatiently. “Just wait a moment, be patient,” said the hit man calmly, “I think I can save you a thousand dollars here…..”
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principals office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Harry: “9.”
Principal: ” What is 6 x 6?”
Harry: “36.”
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.”
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms. Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps in to?”
Harry: “Pants.”
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
Harry: “Coconut.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Harry: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Harry: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong……
What a way to start the day!
There I was on my way to Wal-Mart…
Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind … Wasn’t even on the horizon … I was in a great mood … And then … I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car … And you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it … He was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
“I AM NOT HAPPY!”
So, I look down at him and said, “Well, which one are you then?”
…………. And that’s when the fight started . . .
Participation
At the airport for a business trip, Bob settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then they heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.”
So Bob and his family picked up their luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told everyone that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, they gathered their carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as they were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.
Weatherman
This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow, but don’t get any?
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked:
“So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?”
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!
Save $1000
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, “Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.”
“Sure,” they said, “You’re welcome.” So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, “What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a hit man,” was the reply.
“You’re joking!” was the response.
“No, I’m not,” he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight. “Here are my tools.”
“That’s a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, “Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.” So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. “Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she’s naked! What’s that? Wait a minute, that’s my neighbor in there with her. He’s naked as well! That bastard!” He turned to the hit man, “How much do you charge for a hit?”
“I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.”
“Can you do two for me now?”
“Sure, what do you want?”
“First, shoot my wife, she’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he’s a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.”
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. “Are you going to do it or not?” said the friend impatiently. “Just wait a moment, be patient,” said the hit man calmly, “I think I can save you a thousand dollars here…..”
The 9th Sage
New member
whoa, wait, what?
Isildur
Active member
The Maori warrior's "the spirit that has possessed me will slaughter you and eat your heart" intimidation taunt is more fearsomely performed by some...
...than by others:
[image removed because I feel guilty about poking fun at the dude. (See this post.) It takes guts to go in front of people and perform.]
...than by others:
[image removed because I feel guilty about poking fun at the dude. (See this post.) It takes guts to go in front of people and perform.]
Last edited:
Reaper man
Member
should I just rename this "the funny link/joke/image repository?"
It always has been in my eyes. I would like anyone to post them here, so change it if you want, you'll get no complaint from me.
Reaper man
Member
So let it be written, so let it be done.
Lucky Son
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth friend returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?" The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three
boyfriends."
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Blonde Kidnapper
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Duck and Pig
Lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.
'Hey, nice pig,' says the bartender.
'I'll have you know, this is a DUCK,' replied the lady.
'I was talking to the duck,' said the bartender.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer Fool
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention; and, to keep him quiet, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20 Old Age Benefits
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with the elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth friend returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?" The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three
boyfriends."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blonde Kidnapper
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Duck and Pig
Lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.
'Hey, nice pig,' says the bartender.
'I'll have you know, this is a DUCK,' replied the lady.
'I was talking to the duck,' said the bartender.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer Fool
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention; and, to keep him quiet, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20 Old Age Benefits
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with the elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
